Don't take people for granted

Today I've been thinking so much about taking for granted.. not just in love relationship, but in friendships, work, daily bases too... I always been accused of being a receiver not a giver... but honestly I think the issue is I ask to receive... because I give all of me... so I believe I also should get some... If I volunteer and love to help others, I will ask for respect and kindness... once I feel that people start taking advantage of me and that will make me back off... or when they don't need you anymore and start keeping you away from the conversations and you feel like a complete stranger... well, that kills and make me so disappointed on the human race... 

 Also in relationships... remember the saying... in the beginning everything is beautiful... well, Why can't be beautiful always... a simple gesture of care, appreciation makes it a big deal... the simple I love you makes a day for sure... or thank you for always be on my side... simple things like that... but no... people want and want and want... and when you ask they complain that you not a giver... 

 Well, maybe is true... I'm not a saint or Jesus... I give and want get.... this world is not just about giving... you need to give water for the tree to grow... and what does she give you? The oxygen, the shade.. 

 If someone just give and don't get nothing in return will end up tired and will give up... 

Depression

Well, been a long time since I post, but let's see if the inspiration comes back... today I want to talk about depression.. yes the weak disease people like to talk about, or maybe just the most common issue society believe they know about.... on my person opinion, no scientist, no doctor, no master actually found what depression is... is a silence issue.... is a pain that no one can remove... is like aids, you have the treatment but not the cure...
 All this years I had (have) depression... grow up with a depressed mom (found out not to long ago that she's also bipolar) and honestly after all therapy and talk about and even try the suicide, I never know what actually is the feeling...
So let me tell you about my attempt to suicide... first question I heard... "what were you thinking when you did that?" well, my honest answer is... I wasn't thinking... you get in a stage that nothing matters, you don't think... you don't feel... you just believe that you are tired... tired of people, tired of this world... second question... "It was because of your boyfriend?"... people!!! If someone try to kill themself because of a boyfriend... is not depression... is stupidity!!! and the most question asked... "why didn't you ask for help?"... ok this one is tricky... really!! So let me explain... I took 2 boxes of xanax... how do you think I got that medicine?? So yes! I did ask for help... and the answer I got was "take this pills, will help you!"... so yes, at the time I asked for help... I just needed someone to listen to me... not pills... even after the "incident" once I saw the psychiatrist his solution was "I'm gonna prescribe you some anti-depressants to help you out"... of course my answer was "give me stronger ones this time, so I can actually accomplish what I start...
 Ok, so before you criticize my words, no I did not regret when I did it... It was a life experience... it actually helped me see with different eyes...

 And I used to say I HAD DEPRESSION... but now I start thinking... I'm never immune from that depression... well, yes I have moments of sadness, moments that I wish to go away... but today I have my kids, I have love, I have more that I asked for... even if I don't have all I have what makes me get up every single morning and try to have a good day... Goals??? Yes, I have a lot!!! But one step at the time...

 So before treat a depression wrong and miscall it, depression is not just being sad... is more than that... is a moment of giving up... and my friends... no! I'm not giving up!

Relationships

Lately I had some people talking to me about their relationships.. maybe because I just got divorced, people think I can give them advice (nah, not the best person now LOL). So one told me: "I'm just with my partner because I grow up with divorced parents and saw the fights and that killed me inside... I don't want that for my kids" so I'm telling you BS!!! You are a weak person that don't have the courage to fight for your happiness.. so you use your kids as an excuse! Shame on you!!!

 The other case was "My kids are my everything... I can't think not being part of their life" Again I say BS... you will not be with your parter, but you will ALWAYS be your kids parent!!! Again that require a fight... are you strong enough to fight for your happiness??? NO! 

 Lately I observed 2 different kind of marriages... the Happy forever marriage where you pretend you never have issues... sorry that doesn't exist... no one is so in love that don't see the other differences... then we have the fake marriage... you were a ring, go to family dinners, take kids to activities and movies... but have no connection, can't stand each other but need to be together so they don't "break" a family!!!! 

 With my divorce I learned something... I don't what to be part of any of that marriages... yes, I want to get married someday... again. But need to be with someone that really care for me... someone that is not scared to tell me what they think... I don't want a puppy that do everything I order... I want someone with will... with wish... The question is? Where is that person? 

One year passed

One year passed since you left us... wow! I never thought would be so hard to be without your simple texts saying Hi Filha! I know for lots of people is hard to understand... after all my father didn't raise me... he wasn't there anytime of my childhood, literally he abandoned me.. but who am I to accuse him, or his acts... was correct? Of course not! But for some reason, that only God knows why is this kind of connection... after I met him I know he did everything to get close to me... but I was so scared to let him close and lose him again that I push him away from me! Blaming me? No, never! I'm human... I was scared... did I stop loving him! Never!!! Do I think he didn't love me? I'm sure he did! Been waiting to do this tattoo since last year so I decided to do it when it passed one year.. God, I miss my dad do much every single day!!!! And I wish I would be able to show him that love without being so scared to be hurt... But I'm sure he's ok now and he will always watch for me.. even when I feel lonely I know he is here... 

ADHD and this new ERA diseases!

So 2 days ago I watch a documentary called "Take your pills"... It's about pills for ADHD... funny because my older son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6 years old... I didn't know much about the "disease" and for 3 months I gave him the medicine for it... well, since I curious by nature I start research and study all about this new issue on the society... but let's talk about the documentary..

 So basically they show mothers that want to have a easy life with kids and school and grades, so they force their kids to take the pill, Kids that HATE the side effects on it (yes, is not good at all), and doctors that some agree with it, others not so much... well Aderell (the famous ADHD med) contains substances like Meth... Meth is a high Drug... my question is: If you treat a Drug Addicted like trash, why do you Drug your child? Is it different because the Drug your child takes was recommend by a doctor that get millions of dollars to write a "prescription"? Unfortunately this world is sick... Sadly true!

First Post... but I'm sad

Good afternoon. I decided to start this blog so I can talk a little bit about my thought, my ideas... lately I been feeling like an alien 😂😂... yes, sounds stupid but lately is so hard to find people with a similar mind as mine.. well will explain on some other posts... 

 Today I want talk about this day... March 19th... in Portugal is father's day... well I grow up without my dad... I met him when I was 19 years old. It was a weird situation but part of me was happy to meet him, the other me was scared... so the past years he really tried as much as he could to be part of my life and somehow we end up having a ok relationship... but last year he passed away... so this year  even if I celebrate father's day he is not here anymore... 

 On the other hand would be also the birthday of one of the most important persons in my life... the lady that raised me... make me who I am today... She would be 79 if she was alive... but she passed away almost 2 years ago... I miss her so much... I miss calling her, hearing her laugh.. So today I'm sad... May God have them both... in the mean time we will survive here missing them.