Today I've been thinking so much about taking for granted.. not just in love relationship, but in friendships, work, daily bases too... I always been accused of being a receiver not a giver... but honestly I think the issue is I ask to receive... because I give all of me... so I believe I also should get some... If I volunteer and love to help others, I will ask for respect and kindness... once I feel that people start taking advantage of me and that will make me back off... or when they don't need you anymore and start keeping you away from the conversations and you feel like a complete stranger... well, that kills and make me so disappointed on the human race...
Also in relationships... remember the saying... in the beginning everything is beautiful... well, Why can't be beautiful always... a simple gesture of care, appreciation makes it a big deal... the simple I love you makes a day for sure... or thank you for always be on my side... simple things like that... but no... people want and want and want... and when you ask they complain that you not a giver...
Well, maybe is true... I'm not a saint or Jesus... I give and want get.... this world is not just about giving... you need to give water for the tree to grow... and what does she give you? The oxygen, the shade..
If someone just give and don't get nothing in return will end up tired and will give up...
Well, been a long time since I post, but let's see if the inspiration comes back... today I want to talk about depression.. yes the weak disease people like to talk about, or maybe just the most common issue society believe they know about.... on my person opinion, no scientist, no doctor, no master actually found what depression is... is a silence issue.... is a pain that no one can remove... is like aids, you have the treatment but not the cure...
All this years I had (have) depression... grow up with a depressed mom (found out not to long ago that she's also bipolar) and honestly after all therapy and talk about and even try the suicide, I never know what actually is the feeling...
So let me tell you about my attempt to suicide... first question I heard... "what were you thinking when you did that?" well, my honest answer is... I wasn't thinking... you get in a stage that nothing matters, you don't think... you don't feel... you just believe that you are tired... tired of people, tired of this world... second question... "It was because of your boyfriend?"... people!!! If someone try to kill themself because of a boyfriend... is not depression... is stupidity!!! and the most question asked... "why didn't you ask for help?"... ok this one is tricky... really!! So let me explain... I took 2 boxes of xanax... how do you think I got that medicine?? So yes! I did ask for help... and the answer I got was "take this pills, will help you!"... so yes, at the time I asked for help... I just needed someone to listen to me... not pills... even after the "incident" once I saw the psychiatrist his solution was "I'm gonna prescribe you some anti-depressants to help you out"... of course my answer was "give me stronger ones this time, so I can actually accomplish what I start...
Ok, so before you criticize my words, no I did not regret when I did it... It was a life experience... it actually helped me see with different eyes...
And I used to say I HAD DEPRESSION... but now I start thinking... I'm never immune from that depression... well, yes I have moments of sadness, moments that I wish to go away... but today I have my kids, I have love, I have more that I asked for... even if I don't have all I have what makes me get up every single morning and try to have a good day... Goals??? Yes, I have a lot!!! But one step at the time...
So before treat a depression wrong and miscall it, depression is not just being sad... is more than that... is a moment of giving up... and my friends... no! I'm not giving up!
